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Archive for category: Solutions For Living

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Do You Value Your Health?

Cinderella (the band, not the princess) is right…”you don’t know what you got til’ it’s gone”.  Perhaps you have to work in health care, or experience ill health, or watch a friend or family member go through a medical problem to appreciate how important wellness is.

 

Several months ago I attended a seminar.  Towards the end we were asked to rate our five most important values from a list of 35 words.  Most people rated things like “success, honesty, trust, happiness, family, integrity”.  These are all things I also value, but what amazed me was that I was the only one in the seminar to put “health” on my list.  What?  These people don’t value their health?  Not really, it is just that when you are well, the concept of “health” is off your radar.

 

Now there is a difference between valuing your health on paper and actually living that way.  I know, despite having a health problem that can at times level me for days, I still take my health for granted.  Just like I take it for granted that my car will start each morning, hydro will stay on, water will be clean, and that my community is a safe place for my family.  Perhaps knowing what you take for granted is the first step to not.

 

But the question remains, if you value health, then do you live that way?  Or, if wellness is not on your radar, should it be?  The secrets of wellness are well known.  Exercise your mind and body by engaging in daily physical and cognitive challenges.  Consider meditation.  Analyse your diet and pick out the weaknesses so you can slowly improve your eating to reduce your risks.  Look at your stress.  What causes this?  Can you safely sustain the demands you are facing? What are your coping mechanisms?  There is now so much information available online and in the media about health, and while this can be good (depending on how much time you have to sort through it), it is also overwhelming.  But I truly believe that we all know when we are making bad health decisions.  We don’t need the internet, magazines or television to tell us what we intuitively know we are doing wrong.

 

I am going to assume that everyone values “health” but I know not everyone lives that way.  Maybe it is time that we all visualize a life without our health to appreciate this and to make positive behavioral changes.  After all, integrity, honesty, success, family and happiness are difficult to value, if one is too ill to enjoy them.

 

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Men Are From Earth… So are Women!

It has been well discussed over time that men and women are different.  The classic “Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars” approach has pointed out the many differences between men and women, boys and girls alike.  However, the following article from psychology today points out the many similarities or “overlaps” of men and women and suggests that focusing on the similarities, and not just the differences, can help to overcome the behavioral differences we often observe.

 

Psychology Today: Men and Women Are the Same Species!

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Homework Help Guide

There is a great debate among parents, educators and the general public on the validity of homework and whether or not it is too much for our young children.  Many feel that school work should only be done at school and we should let kids just be kids once the school day finishes.  Whichever side of the fence you sit on, depending on the school board, individual school or teacher, homework may be a part of your child’s life … and yours.  It is natural and good for parents to be part of their children’s education and helping with homework is a great way to be involved.  However, parents need to know when to step in and help and when it’s time to step back and let your child complete the work on his or her own.  Homework is a great way to foster independence and self esteem, if you handle homework time right.  The following article from Today’s Parent gives great tips on when and how to help your children succeed without becoming overly involved.

 

Today’s Parent: The Do’s and Don’ts of Homework Time

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Stress-tember

Apparently September is second only to December on the list of the most stressful months.  Why?  Because it is a month of reorganization, a new schedule, and change.  For me personally, September is a period of “adjustment” as the routines of the summer (or lack thereof) dissolve, and new patterns emerge.

 

I always start with the best intentions.  I make and post signs to cue my kids to my expectations of them in the morning and after school.  Alarms are set to make sure that people are getting up, dressed, and to the bus without skipping breakfast.  A lunch chart is made (by them, with parameters of course) so that I can shop for the food they will eat, and know that most of the stuff I send won’t return uneaten.  Closets are cleaned and organized, and their clothes have been inventoried, shuffled, and replenished as needed.  The fall and winter gear have been surveyed to see what is needed before the first cold-front strikes.  My husband and I have had “the talk” about who is doing what, who is working when, and who will get the girls here, there and everywhere.  Everyone has been registered for all their fall activities, after checking our calendar and determining that we, as two parents with four kids, can manage the organized chaos that is extracurricular activity.  Okay, I see why September is stressful.

 

There are many ways to try and manage the stress that is created during this period of transition.  Personally, my planning for September starts in July.  Yes, it’s true…our kids are barely out of school and I am planning for their return.  Similar to planning for Christmas I suppose, being ahead of the crowd can go a long way.  For example, stress can be reduced when a list of “to dos” is created, and time is set aside, week by week, to accomplish each task.  Involving the kids in the planning is not only a valuable way to delegate some of the responsibility, but also a way for them to learn the skills of organization, and to be part of the return to school process.  For example, our kids clean their own closets and inventory their own clothes, they sort through the school supplies from last year, and they always come shopping with us for back to school items as this reduces the returns.

 

But like joining a gym, these new routines will be difficult to maintain and it will take perseverance, dedication and effort to try and develop and sustain the new schedule and any accompanying mental, emotional, and physical anguish that comes from change.  It will take at least four weeks for the stress of the new schedule to subside, and for everyone to find their groove.  This is the part I call “adjusting” and is defined as the time when I get quiet, more focused, and need some extra sleep.

 

But even more important than planning and organizing early, is knowing what you are capable of handling, and making sure you do not bite off more than you can chew.  Everyone varies in their ability to plan, organize, look ahead, and tackle change.  If these are struggles for you, then take it slow, reduce the demands, start early, and ask for help.  After all, soon after we survive stress-tember we be engulfed in the most stressful month of all – dread-cember: my personal nemesis.

 

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Back to School Safety Tips

It’s back to school time!  Starting school can mean getting back to routine, learning and fun; but it can also mean back to sickness, injuries and stress.  The following article from Reader’s Digest discusses the most common ways children are injured at schools and gives great tips on how to put safety first!   Whether travelling to school, enjoying play time at recess or taking the bus, learn the most important safety tips to pass along to your kids.

 

Reader’s Digest: Back to School Safety Tips

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I Already Passed Kindergarten

Every September I take some time to write letters to the teachers my children will have for the upcoming year.  I have found this to be an effective way to help the teacher get to know my child more quickly, and to understand who they are beyond their informal and scripted report card from the year before.

In this letter I describe my child – what they are like as a student and a person, and what they do and don’t do well.  But beyond this, I also explain the culture of our family when it comes to homework.  I remember when my daughter was in kindergarten she didn’t finish a homework assignment.  I got a note home from the teacher highlighting this.  It was written to me.  I responded with: “I already passed kindergarten, please hold my child responsible for not meeting her classroom expectations”.   I have enough to do.  I have to parent them, keep them safe, plan for the present and future, make sure they get along with their siblings, ensure they become responsible and respectful adults, have clean clothes, food to eat.  I really don’t need to do their homework.

My children know my philosophy on schoolwork.  This is for them, not me.  It is up to them to know what is due and when, and to ask for help if they need it.  They are not to cram and ask for things the night before.  Bedtime is bedtime, not to be extended because of homework procrastination.  When I help them this is in the form of assisting them to organize the work, break it into manageable chunks, showing them simple ways to understand the content, and asking them if they feel this will meet the expectations of the classroom.

I expect teachers to hold my children accountable for completing their assignments.  If this means no recess, extra homework, a failing grade, trip to the principal’s office, so be it.  I trust the school system and the measures they have in place to educate my children – if I didn’t, I would pursue other options.  Learning, like working, involves responsibility, commitment, accountability, organization, planning and time-management.  Kindergarten and beyond is the perfect place to accumulate these skills, as I feel the true value of school is not in the content, but in learning how to learn, be around others, and manage the expectations of someone in charge.

In Kindergarten my girls had to participate in a car rally.  The task was simple – make a car, and parade around the school in a foot race, holding the car around your waist.  One kid arrived with a car made of wood.  It had working lights, mirrors, and tires that rotated on a functional axle.  He couldn’t even lift it.  I wonder if his dad failed the assignment.   

 

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Back to School Doesn’t Have to be Stressful

No matter your age, whether you are starting school for the first time, returning to the same school, moving up to middle or high school, moving away to university or going back to school after years in the workforce, the words “Back to school” can bring on both excitement and anxiety.  Many feel excited for the opportunities and experiences that may come, however, many also feel frightened and anxious over what lies ahead.  The specific anxieties may differ depending on the age of the student or the specific situation, however, how you as a parent or caregiver helps and supports the student through them is extremely important.  The following article published by Global News discusses the best strategies for calming anxious minds and making “back to school” as pleasant as possible!

 

Global News: Back-to-school is back-to-stress for some kids; coping techniques can help

 

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Mean Lady at the Bus Stop

Yup, that is me.  That mom at the bus stop that, while waiting for my kids to board the bus, ends up supervising and “parenting” the other kids that are not behaving.  I remember a few years back I was waiting for the bus with my daughter.  There were several kids waiting with us, and a few parents.  Three boys were first in line, standing on the curb.  They were pushing, shoving and playing around as boys do, each time falling or running onto the road.  I told them to stop what they were doing, stand in line properly and patiently wait for the bus.  My neighbor called me a meanie.

 

I am happy to be a meanie when it comes to safety, especially with children.  Part of this is the curse of working in auto insurance.  I know if one of these boys gets hit by a passing car, this could be life threatening or at the least, life altering.  I also know the driver of that car will likely suffer life-long mental anguish knowing they inadvertently harmed a child – even if this was not their fault.  Also, my child, and the other children at the bus stop that would witness such an accident would never be the same.  They could have nightmares, flashbacks, and suffer from traffic anxiety, an aversion to riding the bus, or attending school.  Lastly, from a personal liability perspective, I can’t help thinking that if children are being unsafe, and get injured, and this is witnessed by a responsible adult who did not try to prevent it, that adult could be held partially responsible.  Either way, the outcome is bad for all involved.

 

Transportation by bus is one of the safest ways to get children to and from school.  According to transport Canada, only .3 percent of personal injury or death from collisions involved school buses.  Of the 142 deaths involving a school bus over the last 10 years, only 5 have involved passengers of the bus with the rest being drivers, pedestrians, cyclists or other motorists (http://www.tc.gc.ca/eng/roadsafety/tp-tp2436-rs200702-menu-133.htm).  Therefore, children are more unsafe around buses than they are in buses.  In fact, riding the bus is safer than walking or getting a ride in a regular vehicle.  What becomes key then is helping children to understand pedestrian safety, the rules for getting on an off a bus, and waiting at the bus stop.

 

It is back to school time.  We all need to remember that children are both careless and carefree.  Children are not expected to understand and process the dangers of traffic until age 10 and beyond, and as such, as responsible adults and parents we need to help them understand all aspects of bus safety and, if needed, be “meanies” when monitoring their behavior – even if they don’t belong to us.

 

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E-Cigarettes: Can This Technology Help You Quit?

Electronic cigarettes have become a popular replacement for traditional cigarettes and are helping many “quit” smoking (at least traditionally).  However, because they are relatively new to the market, research is still being compiled on whether or not they are safer than regular cigarettes, and if they are even effectively helping people quit.  Currently in Canada, e-cigarettes are not government approved and have not been recognized as safe by Health Canada.  It is said the sale of e-cigarettes will outweigh the sale of normal cigarettes by the end of the decade.  The following article from The Toronto Star discusses the popularity of e-cigarettes and the arguments from supporters and those who aren’t so sure.  What’s your opinion?

 

CBC News: Are e-cigarettes safe to puff?

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Hot Day. Distracted Mind. Child Dies.

In keeping with my earlier post about safe driving and bad habits, I thought I would touch on another very tragic, but preventable, circumstance surrounding cars and children.  It was the first very hot and humid day this summer when I heard of the death of a two year old after his grandmother left him in the car.  She just forgot he was there and went about her day.  While it might seem inconceivable that this could happen to any caring and well-intentioned adult, I read an article recently that helped me to understand how possible this is.

 

Several years ago a mother in Calgary was returning to her job as a University Professor after a one year maternity leave following the birth of her second child.  She was a well-educated and diligent mother that did everything she could to protect the safety of her children during pregnancy, at home, and in the community. With her return to work the family had to adopt a new routine.  She dropped her older child at day care and proceeded to take her daughter (11 months) to her new child care provider.  The mother and daughter were singing and laughing in the car when the child fell asleep.  The mother then spent the next several minutes putting together a very detailed mental plan of how she was going to get her child out of the car seat and into the day care without waking her.  Once she visualized that process, and understood how it would all work, her mind rapidly switched to thoughts about her first week back at work and all the things she needed to accomplish.  She arrived at work, went about her day, and realized when she came to her car to go home that her daughter was still in the car seat.

 

Her purpose of engaging in the interview and having the article published was to help people understand how this could happen and how it can be prevented.  For her, she believes that the process of “visualizing” the drop off of her daughter made her mind believe that it actually happened.  When her mind switched to thinking about work, it was convinced that her other responsibilities had been completed.  This is the power of visualization, and of a distracted mind.

 

But I feel the most important aspect of the article were the strategies for prevention.  The mother went on to have other children and talked openly about the steps she now takes to ensure she does not relive this tragedy.  She explained that she always makes sure she puts something in the back seat with her children.  Her purse, work bag, lunch. This requires her to enter the back seat of her car when getting out.  Or, the opposite could also work – put a diaper bag, toy or child backpack in the front seat to cue you to their presence.  This mother also said she has asked her child care providers to call her directly if her children are not dropped off on time, as expected.  Lastly, when putting her children in their car seat she puts on a bracelet that is kept in the seat.  She takes it off when getting them out. This serves as a visual cue, but has also become part of her new car seat routine that will reinforce a new behavior (put the bracelet back in the car seat when leaving the vehicle, making her access the seat).

 

According to WebMD “there is no safe amount of time to leave a child (or pet) in a car”.  The temperature inside a car can rise or fall exponentially faster than the temperature outside, as your car functions as a greenhouse.  Just get in your car on a hot day and try to breathe.  Preventing child death from being left in a car is possible, and parents need to be wary of new routines, changes in schedules, and the cognitive process of remembering multiple things.  And most of all, don’t be naïve enough to believe the self-fulfilling “this could never happen to me” phenomenon.  Any oversight, regardless of how significant, can happen to us all.