cURL error 60: SSL certificate problem: certificate has expiredcURL error 60: SSL certificate problem: certificate has expiredcURL error 60: SSL certificate problem: certificate has expiredcURL error 60: SSL certificate problem: certificate has expiredcURL error 60: SSL certificate problem: certificate has expiredcURL error 60: SSL certificate problem: certificate has expiredcURL error 60: SSL certificate problem: certificate has expiredcURL error 60: SSL certificate problem: certificate has expiredcURL error 60: SSL certificate problem: certificate has expiredcURL error 60: SSL certificate problem: certificate has expired Mindfulness - SOLUTIONS FOR LIVING
Close

Tag Archive for: Mindfulness

by

Some Thoughts on Mindful Self-Compassion

Julie Entwistle, MBA, BHSc (OT), BSc (Health / Gerontology)

For the last several weeks I have been enjoying a course in Mindfulness Self-Compassion.  Taught through the Program for Faculty Development at McMaster University, the course is for health professionals, but the strategies and teachings are very relatable to all of us in our daily lives.  While the course is not over, I wanted to share some of the main concepts I have found most helpful so far.

Here is the scenario:  you are heading home from work and you get a panicked call from a close friend or family member.  They are upset and really need your help.  How do you react?  Well, when I did this exercise I thought my reaction would probably include:  asking them what I could do that would be most helpful, clearing my evening schedule to go provide them with support, visiting with them to listen, offering support, helping to distract them through activity or fun if appropriate, assisting them to move through the situation, arranging for follow-up and checking in the next day.  Something like that.  But, what if the crisis is happening to me?  Would I react differently?  Well, historically, yes, I would.  In fact, I would probably treat myself very differently than I would my friend.  Or, more honestly, if I treated my friend the way I would treat myself, I wouldn’t have many friends.  My reaction to myself would be more like: “you don’t have time for this, get over it, there are bigger problems in the world”, or I would simply try to ignore the issue, bury the associated feelings and move on.  I probably would see my own name on the call display, roll my eyes, hit “decline” and wonder “why is she calling again”? Wow, what a difference.  Self-compassion then can be as simple as affording yourself the same compassion, love and respect that you afford to those around you.  Try it!

I also found it very helpful when the course addressed our “inner critic”.  This is the internal voice we all have that bully’s us into thinking we are not “good enough, smart enough, fit enough, competent enough” etc.  In truth, part of the reason I wanted to take the course in the first place was to try and sucker punch that bully and get her (mine is female) to leave me alone.  But when the course had me really evaluating the thoughts and feelings that my inner critic berates me with, I did come to realize that perhaps I should give her more credit.  Maybe it is my critic that ensures I complete 90% of my goals.  Maybe I need that critic for my willpower, drive and determination.  Perhaps some of my behavior is directed at proving her wrong (I am stubborn that way).  Because of the course I now have an increased appreciation for her and am now grateful that she keeps me in line.  By acknowledging that she exists and being open to her presence has actually diffused her, softened her approach, and now I find her voice more loving and supportive.  Go figure!

Lastly, I found the half-day silent retreat very refreshing.  While I had been on a silent retreat before, this time I was sure to be much more mindful throughout the process and the results were more enjoyable.  Not being pressured to talk or engage verbally with others really helped me to calm my thinking, slow my brain waves and see things that I usually ignore.  Nature, food and silence have never before been so enjoyable.  I left there with feelings equivalent to a restful nights’ sleep, a relaxing vacation, or a good meal with friend.  Soothing, comforting and rejuvenating.  Silence is definitely something I am going to work into my life more regularly.  My brain requires it.

While there have been other helpful and impactful parts of this course, I have highlighted my favorite three so far.  And though I am still learning the art of mindfulness (and am not yet “practicing” as much as I should), and I still struggle with meditation and working this into my day, the benefits of this course are many and the teachings important.  Mindfulness, self-compassion and human kindness are all pivotal concepts in this course that this world so desperately needs us all to embrace.  I am enjoying learning more about them all.

To close, here is one of my favorite poems from the course:

Allow

by: Danna Foulds

 

There is no controlling life.

Try corralling a lightening bolt,

containing a tornado. Dam a

stream and it will create a new

channel. Resist, and the tide

will sweep you off your feet.

 

Allow, and grace will carry

you to higher ground. The only

safety lies in letting it all in –

the wild and the weak; fear,

fantasies, failures and success.

 

When loss rips off the doors of

the heart, or sadness veils your

vision with despair, practice

becomes simply bearing the truth.

 

In the choice to let go of your

known way of being, the whole

world is revealed to your new eyes.

by

Tragedy and Terror are Everywhere – What Do You Say to Your Kids?

Julie Entwistle, MBA, BHSc (OT), BSc (Health / Gerontology)

Co-authored by Angie Kingma, OT at 

Every generation is said to be shaped, influenced and molded by the major world events that they experience.  These events hit us so deeply that most of us can remember where we were when we “heard the news”, how we felt in the moment, and the way the world changed following the event.  Today is the anniversary of 9/11 and marks a day of mourning for those of us that still feel deeply connected to the senseless tragedy that remains the world’s worst terrorist attack.  But the threats aren’t over and the connected world we live in exposes all of us, including our children, to these events in gory detail complete with photos, video and even the live streaming of things as they unfold.  If parents are not careful, these events can have a negative, harmful and life-lasting impact on children especially if we don’t help them process what they are seeing or hearing. 

So, in the spirit of both mourning and hope, today I wanted to try and provide some suggestions on ways we can talk to our children about events like 9/11, the bombing at the Ariana Grande concert, North Korea testing missiles, the terrorism in Paris and London, attacks on Parliament Hill, or even the recent suffering caused by hurricane Harvey and the wildfires in Western Canada.  Despite the fact that I am a mom of four, I still struggle to have these conversations with my kids, and as such reached out to an Occupational Therapist friend and colleague skilled in mindfulness (Angie Kingma www.mindfulnessforhealth.ca) to get her take on how all parents can try and manage these conversations better.  Here is what Angie had to say:

Some parents take the stance that they’d rather shield their kids from the disturbing events that continue to happen daily around the world.  These parents are well-meaning, assuming that talking about these grim facts will not only upset their kids but perhaps also cause harm.  However, literature shows quite the opposite. What happens is that these kids are denied the opportunity to develop the resilience that is necessary to become a healthy, fully functioning adult. There are other parents who would like to discuss these issues but just don’t know what to say or where to start.

Mindful parenting can greatly enhance our ability to be skillful when talking to our kids about the world’s hard truths.  So, what exactly is mindful parenting? It involves the intention to bring a particular quality of attention to the interactions with our children, as they unfold moment-by-moment. To do this, we choose to consciously pay attention to what is arising in the present moment, becoming aware of what’s happening internally for both the parent and the child, as well as what’s happening externally. Mindful attention is enveloped by attitudes of non-judgment, gentle curiosity, open-heartedness (kindness and compassion), as well as acceptance.  We are especially interested in the child’s thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations, as well as our own. We practice mindful listening, which just means listening with full attention, staying present, conveying to your child that you are truly listening and care about their experience.   This quality of focused attention and awareness goes beyond just listening to the words, and includes awareness of facial expressions and body language.

Here are some mindful communication tips when talking to kids about life’s difficulties:

Don’t avoid the conversation. Depending on your own comfort level, let kids know that darkness, misfortune, evil, natural catastrophes and other unpleasant life pressures do exist.

Explain issues to kids in an honest and age-appropriate manner.

Keep it simple. Kids don’t need the gruesome details, just the gist of the event.  Find out what they know about it first and then fill in the gaps with the basics of what happened.

Remind your child that you might not have all the answers but that you know it’s important to have these types of discussions. Sometimes they aren’t looking for answers, our kids just need to feel “seen” and “heard”, and to feel a sense of safety.

Stay level-headed when you’re discussing difficult news. Practice ‘radical acceptance’ of these realities, which simply means acknowledging the truth of things (radical acceptance doesn’t mean we that we have to like it or approve).

Pay attention to your own feelings.  Since events like terrorist attacks evoke strong emotions in us and our kids, be aware of what feelings are coming up in you before the conversation and during. Pay attention to your feeling(s) and observe them, breathing with them, without having to act on or get overwhelmed by them. When we can regulate our own feelings, it can help your child to regulate their own feelings (a term called “co-regulation”).

Share with your child what strategies you use to deal with distressing situations.

Seek professional assistance if you’re having feelings that are too difficult to manage on your own or your coping strategies are unhealthy or ineffective.

Pay attention to your child’s feelings.  Help them name what they are feeling, which tips us in the direction of emotional regulation. Ask them if they can describe where in their body they feel their emotion, ex. tightening in chest, butterflies in the tummy, tension around their head.

Listen open-heartedly to your child’s feelings about the situation. Ask open-ended questions such as “How does hearing about this make you feel?” or “Is there anything else that you’d like to talk about?”

Validate your child’s feelings, even if you don’t understand them yourself. Say “Of course you’d feel that way. That makes total sense to me”.

If you notice a significant increase in fear and anxiety in your child that begins to affect their daily functioning, report this to your family doctor as soon as possible and consider getting a referral to a children’s mental health specialist.

Respect it if your child will simply not talk about certain topics. Some children, particularly kids who already have anxiety, won’t be able to tolerate the conversation so don’t force it. Other kids will have a lot to say and want to discuss it at length. Neither response is better than the other.

Difficulty helps to build our resilience. Let your child know that the things that we go through in life make us stronger and teach us important lessons.  Point out specific stories of heroism, survivors, first responders or people coming together to help one another during times of need.

Teach the concept of impermanence, meaning that while difficulties in the world do exist in the present moment, things are always changing. There is hope that things will change for the better. Practice modelling attitudes of hope and optimism and discuss the importance of these with your child.

Not only does mindful parenting and communication strengthen the parent-child bond and facilitate a strong attachment, it also cultivates emotional awareness and self-regulation, which our world so desperately needs.

“Your mindful presence is the most valuable and precious gift you can give to yourself and to your children.”

by

Colour Yourself Happy!

Mindfulness colouring books are a huge trend right now and have been named in the top 10 gifts to give this holiday season.  But do they actually work to reduce stress?  Many believe yes.  Although experts are quick to dismiss adult colouring as a form of art therapy or mindfulness practice, this type of colouring has been proven to provide a form of relaxation without the need for any complex skills.  Check out the following from Discovery on the adult colouring book trend and try one today.

Discovery:  Colouring Books Help Adults Relax Too

 

by

Is Mindfulness the Key to A Healthier Workplace?

“Mindfulness” is a term we have heard a lot this year.  This old technique seems to be the new trend said to improve the health of our busy and stressed generation.  The term “mindfulness” is defined as “a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.”

Sounds like a great way to heighten self-awareness, decrease stress and boost health personally.  But what might surprise you is that many are saying the practice of mindfulness is the next big thing in workplace wellness.  The following article from the Vancouver Sun looks at the participation of one of Canada’s largest companies in a pilot project that is introducing mindfulness practice into the workplace.  Check out the preliminary findings and see if this ancient technique might be right for you and your company.

The Vancouver Sun:  Old meets new for workplace wellness