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Archive for category: Solutions For Living

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“Letting Go” in September

Julie Entwistle, MBA, BHSc (OT), BSc (Health / Gerontology)

September is the month of many things – adjusting to new schedules, the end of summer vacations, changing weather, and for those with kids, a return to the hectic schedule of school and extracurricular programs.  As a mother of four, I always find September stressful (see my blog last year “Stress-tember”).  I also know, from having many Septembers under my belt, that it takes me two to three weeks to “adjust” to the changes this month brings.  However, this year, in an attempt to combat stress and move to acceptance of what is, I have decided to take a different approach.  This year, instead of losing sleep and being stressed, I am going to try and “let go”.  I will explain what I mean but first I want to explain what brought me to this concept in the first place.

First, in July our oldest child travelled out the country on her own as a part of an international school program.  Leading up to her trip, I was most worried about how she would do away from home for several weeks, if she would enjoy her trip, and of course hoped it would be an unforgettable learning experience.  Soon after she left, I realized this trip was huge for me too – it was one of the initial phases of me needing to “let go” of my daughter as she grows up.  While scary for a teenager to travel away from home, it is equally scary for a parent – especially when the traveler is your oldest and you have not experienced this before.  Not seeing or talking to her daily, her room staying untouched, the cat having no one to sleep with, not sitting with her for a tea in the morning – all things I became mindful of missing in her absence.

Second, I recently ran into some neighbors on my morning walk.  They have sold their house and are moving out of the country.  This is coming at the time where their youngest is now entering university.  In talking to them about this massive transition, my heart could feel for them in all the things they were experiencing – moving away from the town they raised their children in, where their family and friends are, becoming “empty nesters” for first time as they no longer have children at home, moving across the world to accommodate a work opportunity and not having easy access to their children that will remain in Canada.  It made me realize there are many dimensions and layers in the process of “letting go” and for some this period is gradual, and for others not so much.

So, back to the fall.  I have several things I need to let go of.  I need to move from feeling that I need to control everything because that is what has always kept my kids healthy and safe.  I need to help them “self-regulate” their time and behaviors around the choices they will make at school and after school.   I need to stop being “right” (“mom knows best”) about everything and let some natural consequences be their teaching tool.  I need to support them in their decisions and in those life events that will confront them this year, without solving their problems for them.  And I need to “let go” of the concept that as parents we can “do it all” and “be everything” to our children.  At work I plan on “letting go” of the thought that “if I could only clear my inbox I would feel less stressed” as the reality is that as a business owner my inbox will never be empty, and if it was, that would actually cause me more stress!  Personally, I want to “let go” of how hard I can be on myself when I don’t get it all done, or when I take time for myself amongst things that still need my attention.

I love this quote from Ajahn Chan:  There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. 

The Tiny Buddah sites 40 strategies for “letting go”…I will share my personal favorites here:

Focus all your energy on something you can actually control instead of dwelling on things you can’t.

Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.

Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”

Consider this quotation by Eckhart Tolle: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Questioning how your stress serves you may help you let it go.

Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant, like your passion for your hobby.

Organize your desk. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level.

Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.

So, Happy September.  Whether you are changing jobs, retiring, returning to a job you love (or not), are starting a new volunteer position, hobby or exercise routine, are putting your child in day care, kindergarten, into high school or university, embrace it.  In the words of Trace Adkins in his song “You’re Going to Miss This”:

you’re going to miss this

you’re going to want this back,

you’re going to wish these years hadn’t gone by so fast…

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Swim to Stay Safe As you Age

Swimming has many benefits.  It is an excellent form of exercise that works the entire body and the cardiovascular system at the same time.  It is low impact so can be done during injury recovery and by those with aches and pains associated with aging.  The following article from E-Care Diary discusses how research is now showing another benefit of swimming:  fall prevention.  Check out the article to see how you and your loved ones could swim yourselves to safety as you age.

E-Care Diary:  Swimming Could Prevent Falls!  Protective Benefits For Seniors

 

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How To Have A Stress Free Back To School Transition

Julie Entwistle, MBA, BHSc (OT), BSc (Health / Gerontology)

Last year, my September blog was called “Stress-tember”. For many, the September transition brings about new routines, adjustment chaos, and change that can be met with resistance, fatigue and stress. This year I wanted to take a different approach. I thought instead I would start the conversation early and give parents, teachers, and even kids some proactive strategies they can use to manage this transition as smoothly, productively, and as positively as possible.

1. Plan Ahead
The last few weeks of August will go quickly as we all try to cram in those last care-free moments of outdoor time, vacation, and a less chaotic schedule. But, don’t let September catch you off guard! It is best to look at your schedule now and find time when you will be able to fit in back-to-school related tasks. Start with a list of jobs that need to be done to get back-to-school ready. Personally, with four kids, my list includes: closet and drawer clean-out to compile a list of needed clothing items, shoe inventory, looking at our available school-supplies and backpacks to determine what needs to be replaced, and sitting down with each child to ask them about the lunch foods they will happily consume if these land in their lunchbox. With one child transitioning to an out-of-catchment high-school we need to understand her new schedule and arrange transportation including some city bus trials and carpooling. Once we know what needs to get done, we need to have structured schedule to do it. When can we shop for clothes, shoes, supplies, groceries? When the first week of school arrives, it is best to have the shopping done and even meals prepared, so that the stress, anxiety and chaos of the new routine is easier to manage.

2. Get a Family Calendar
Having a calendar placed in a common area (e.g. the kitchen or back hall) can help with organizing weekly plans. Using a different coloured marker for each family member can help you to easily identify who needs to be where and at what time. You can also encourage or assist your kids with keeping track of homework deadlines, school events like picture day, and other social outings. Once school begins, set aside a time each week for the family to go over the week ahead to ensure everyone is on board and prepared (i.e. “we need a birthday present for Tuesday, rubber boots for the trip on Thursday” etc.).

3. Establish Routines
Due to vacations, sleepovers, and the unstructured nature of no school, daily routines are often disrupted over the summer months. A consistent nightly routine for kids is critical to them getting a good sleep. Be consistent with when they are to start getting ready for bed, which nights will be for baths / showers, teeth brushing, and how they enjoy falling asleep (story time, hugs and kisses, that favorite stuffie, nightlight etc.). The importance is in the consistency of the routine as this is what cues your child that he/she is ready for sleep. Set up a routine that works for you and your family and start early. Having an established bedtime routine in place BEFORE school begins will help to make the transition go smoothly.

In addition to bedtime routines, it is important to re-establish what after-school time should also look like. We have our “after school routine” typed, laminated and posted in the back hall. This includes “shoes and back-packs away, lunch boxes emptied, dry snacks and water bottle packed for the next day, paperwork from school in the “in box”, have a healthy snack, do any homework, then play (no technology)! We review this with the kids before school starts, confirm the expectations, get their commitment, and make any changes.

4. Re-Adjust Sleep Schedules
Just as the overall bedtime routine is disrupted during the summer months, so is the timing of sleep. It is important to get back into a regular routine before school starts to avoid tired and cranky kids. A good way to ease into it is to adjust your child’s sleep/wake routine by ten minutes each night, so you can gradually get back to the regular routine by the time school begins. Having alarms in the kids’ bedrooms will help them to wake at an appropriate time so that they are not rushing, skipping breakfast or brushing their teeth in order to make a bus. And watch out for the snooze button! Letting your child delay waking will only become a bad habit harder to break as they get older. Put the alarm clock on the other side of the room if you have to – walking to turn it off will deter them from returning to bed.

5. Honour Your Child’s Anxiety
If your child is nervous or anxious about getting back to school, acknowledge this. Let them know that these feelings are normal. Ask them what you can do to make this easier. If your child is going to a new school or concerned about a new teacher, call the school and see if you are able to visit the school and/or classroom teacher before the school year begins. Or, see if there is a friend also in the same class they can meet with over the summer to ease their concerns. Often just being in the new environment, or being exposed to other kids transitioning prior to the school year beginning can ease fears and calm nerves.

6. Be Consistent
The most important aspect of making the transition back to school easier is consistency. With a familiar and consistent schedule in place, children are more prepared for what is to come which minimizes anxiety, reduces behavioural episodes, and provides kids with clear expectations and structure to their day. And when kids adjust more easily, so do parents!

7. Check your Expectations
Sometimes the worst part of any transition is not having reasonable expectations in the first place. Expect that your kids will need time adjusting, allow them to be tired, out of sorts and cranky, know that you too will need some extra time for yourself to unwind or get some extra rest. Don’t be reactive to the adjustment but rather just acknowledge this as one of the toughest times of the year and accept that in good time new routines will be established and the family will once again be in sync.

So, I hope the above tips will be helpful as you make this necessary transition back to “normal” – whatever that looks like for you. Personally, I will still find September stressful and hectic, but I expect nothing less in a household of six. Like with all things, some preparedness, patience and consistency will make it easier on all involved!

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“Stressed or Depressed” – Man Therapy

Is it me, or is there a rise in gender discussions of recent? The ongoing, and now vastly publicized, fight for work equality between men and women, gender in sport, mom-preneurs, daddy day cares.   It is no secret that women and men look, think, act, behave, communicate, and logic differently.  So how do these gender differences relate to mental health and the processing of mental health problems?  Consider the following:

Husband comes home from another long work day.  Deadlines are looming, the boss is out of town, promotional opportunities are forthcoming, and someone called in sick.  His wife expects him to do a few dishes, play with the kids, maybe get the dog out.  She asks for his help with a few things, and he explodes (or retreats, or grumbles, or will begrudgingly oblige).  “I had another long day, I just want to…(go to bed, watch the game, zone out in the basement, eat in peace..).”  She probably had a long day too – working or home, the demands and tasks don’t seem to end.  Both go to bed frustrated, sad, angry or feeling isolated and alone.  The next day the cycle repeats and onward things go…she might ask about how he is doing, and he might respond with “I am just stressed”.

Familiar? But when you look at how men and women process emotion differently, “stressed” for men, might actually mean “depressed”.

When you imagine a person who is depressed you may think of them as tired or sad, maybe they are neglecting their hygiene, have a reduced appetite or poor sleep, and these are all very valid symptoms of depression. However the American Psychological Association reports that depression signs can differ greatly between men and women, and the reason for this remains unexplained. Many professionals speculate it could be from our ‘macho-man-ideal’ society, in which men are encouraged to ‘suck it up’ and to show their ‘strength’ or self-control by not expressing emotions. This ideal is unfortunately also rubbing off on Canadian children, and boys between the ages of 13-17 are severely underrepresented in the statistics of youth that call the Kids Help Phone, and when they do call they rarely talk about mental health.

Symptoms that are often not recognized as depression, especially in men, include:

●     Being irritable, short-tempered, or inappropriately angry
●     Spending a lot of time on work (they may be trying to escape their feelings by keeping busy)
●     Reckless driving, extreme sports, or other risky behaviour
●     Excessive controlling behavior
●     Alcohol or substance abuse (men are far more likely to abuse substances)

These behaviours are untraditional of typical depressive symptoms, but mean that men who may benefit from emotional aid are often slipping under the radar for health professionals, and this can lead to disastrous consequences including poor quality of life and higher rates of suicide.

Recent studies by organizations that specialize in mental health say that they need to approach the topic of depression differently with men. Often men will not admit any possible feelings of ‘depression’, but will quickly agree to feeling ‘stressed.’

Women, on the other hand, might use the word “stress” differently.  Women may use stress to describe a point in time, a set of demands, or something that is expected to pass, while men may relate this to a state of being, a new “normal”.

Based on these revelations, men may require a different marketing strategy for addressing mental health than women. Mental health agencies including the Colorado Office of Suicide Prevention and Carson J. Spencer Foundation collaborated with Cactus to come up with a unique way to entice men to explore their mental wellness.  According to Dr. Spencer-Thomas and J. Hindman (MS):

“The goal of Man Therapy is to show working age men that talking about their problems, getting help and fixing themselves is masculine. The campaign strength is its innovative and humorous approach through a fictional “therapist” named Dr. Rich Mahogany, who is a no-nonsense man’s-man that lets men know honest talk about life’s problems is how they will start to solve them. At the center of the campaign is a web portal that allows men to interact with Dr. Mahogany, do a “head inspection” (self-assessment), and get “manly mental health tips.” When men indicate high levels of distress, Dr. Mahogany refers them to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or “the Pros.” Check out this resource for Man Therapy.

The bottom line is that depression can manifest itself differently in different people, and men are constantly under-represented in the list of people seeking help. Occupational Therapists assess and treat people with mental health problems, and some even have the additional training and experience necessary to provide Psychotherapy.  The core approach of the OT profession is to encourage successful function in all life roles regardless of the reasons why function is impaired.  OT intervention may help the men in our lives to reduce some of that “stress” (aka depression), so they can resume enjoyment in life roles.

 

Resources

CTV News, www.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=454539
Mayo Clinic, http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/male-depression/art-20046216

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Accessibility In The Community

In this episode of our popular OT-V series we are discussing community accessibility. The following video discusses the important things to consider when someone with a mobility impairment arrives to a home or building to realize that they may need help to enter.

The following items to consider will help to ensure a safer and easier entrance.

• Understand the type of device you are using and its abilities and limitations

• Understand your own physical abilities

• Identify and assess the help you have available

• Seek out all available entrances and entrance types to select which one best suits your mobility aid or device

• Assess the size of the door you need to enter and what you will encounter upon entry

Watch the video to learn more about accessibility and the solutions available.

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Mind your Mouth – the Language of Disability

Julie Entwistle, MBA, BHSc (OT), BSc (Health / Gerontology)

Have you ever been in that uncomfortable place of wondering what to say to someone with a disability?  That cognitive and emotional process of wanting to offer support, but not wanting to offend?  Or worrying about offending by offering support?  Or worrying about offending by not offering support?  It can be a conundrum.

I recently left a client meeting and one of the other providers was a wheelchair user.  As we ventured to the parking lot we stopped at her car.  As we were finishing our conversation she proceeded to engage in the process of transferring into her vehicle.  Not wanting to provide help without her request or permission, and not really knowing if she needed it in the first place, I simply said “I know you do this all the time but if you need a hand please let me know”.  I figured it was the best way for me to acknowledge that I could help if she needed or wanted it, but that I didn’t want to assume she could not be independent.

I have had many clients tell me about situations in the community where people have made comments, or engaged in actions that are blatantly disrespectful.  I had one client enter Walmart in his wheelchair and the “Greeter” put a sticker on him saying “I am special”.  He was livid.  Or, at a recent course we watched a video of a client with quadriplegia trying a community outing for the first time since his injury.  As he struggled to manage his wallet and bank card the cashier was visibly annoyed.  Granted she was young, but clearly had no patience for this man that was struggling and her actions were clearly not going to make him feel any better.  On top of being compassionless, she didn’t offer him any assistance either.

Ontario has made some great strides in the domain of customer service.  Not only are commercial buildings to be accessible to people with mobility impairments, but now employers are responsible for training their staff on how to appropriately and effectively provide service to people of all abilities.  This is a great step in the direction of helping all people know how to manage service situations that require compassion, patience and understanding.  We have previously blogged about the Accessibility Legislature in Ontario and you can find that information here:  “Accessibility In Ontario.”

So, have you ever wondered how to navigate those waters?  Have you ever used the words “confined to a wheelchair” or “wheelchair bound”?  Do you understand the difference between handicap and disability?  Do you know how use of words like “cripple, invalid and retard” have changed over time to now be generally unacceptable ways to reference someone with a disability?  For people in wheelchairs, the wheelchair actually allows them freedom of movement.  It returns to them a level of function they lost when their legs stopped working.  For many of them, the ability to be independently mobile is not “confining” and does not make them “bound”.  It is now proper practice to put the “person” before the “disability” and to describe their situation as you would their hair color.  For example, “Julie has brown hair” has the same application as “Julie uses a wheelchair”.  How could I be offended by such a statement of fact?  I recently came across the following resource called “Watch Your Language” and find this is an excellent tool to help people that may not have regular contact or training speaking to or about people with disabilities to understand the nuances of language surrounding this topic.

But I think the most important thing to remember here is that not all disability is visible.  It is never good practice to speak negatively, disrespectfully or rudely about anyone.  Doing so just reflects poorly on you.  Remember that everyone has a story and the one you might make in your head about that person or their situation may not be accurate.  As Stephen Covey always said “talk about people like they are present”.  In the current movie Cinderella, I love the advice she gets from her dying mother: “have courage and be kind”.  Words to live by.

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Cognitive Challenges at Work– There’s an App For That!

CanAssist is an organization at the University of Victoria with the mission of creating a better quality of life for people with disabilities.  They have created helpful apps, available on numerous devices, including the “CanWork” app which works to promote independence and build confidence by helping people with cognitive challenges at work.  The app helps individuals manage shifts, prepare for work and complete work-related tasks successfully.  It has just received endorsement from the Canadian Association of Occupational Therapists and we encourage you to check out the “CanWork” app and many of the other helpful apps created by CanAssist.

CanAssist:  Apps For Download

 

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Are You Safe in the Sun?

We all know the importance of protecting ourselves in the sun.  Summer is here and with more time spent outdoors and the UV index at its highest it is extremely important to protect yourself.  Proper clothing, sun hats, and shade all help, but many health experts feel the best way to protect ourselves is by regular use of sunscreen.  But how do you know which sunscreen is best and which sunscreens can actually do more harm than good?  Many of the sunscreens we use contain harmful chemicals and though they protect you from the sun’s harmful rays, may actually be harmful in other ways.

Check out the Environmental Working Group’s “Guide to Sunscreens” which annually rates over 1800 different sunscreens available consumers.   Visit the website and see how your favourite brand stacks up.

EWG:  2015 Guide To Sunscreens