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Change your Attitude and Change your Life

Julie Entwistle, MBA, BHSc (OT), BSc (Health / Gerontology)

I was recently forwarded the below article from a friend. This is about a young man who was facing the amputation of his left leg. Given his situation he had multiple choices. He could choose to be angry, bitter, sad, could feel sorry for himself, be stressed and anxious about the impending surgery, or decide to accept his fate and ultimately “be okay” with it. His choice? Make light of his situation, involve others in the process, accept that he could not change what he was confronted with, and move on. Check out his inspiring story here.

Reading this reminded me of my grandfather. At age 20 he was diagnosed with Polio. This caused atrophy of the muscles in his legs and buttocks and he walked with crutches for 56 years. Eventually his lower body circulation started to fail and his feet became infected. It was recommended that he have both legs amputated above the knees. He accepted this fate as a life saving measure and understood that his legs were no longer of purpose to him, and were actually a hindrance when trying to transfer and go about his day. Luckily my grandfather had a wonderful sense of humor, and an even better attitude, and as such had cultured this into the rest of us. Before his amputations, and even after, we came up with lists of clichés we could no longer say to him: “put your best foot forward”, “pull up your socks”, “if the shoe fits wear it”, “you are a shoe in” etc. He was just as engaged in making these lists as we were.

I remember his jokes continued even days before his death. I was visiting with him and an orderly came in to mop the floor. As she approached the hospital bed where he was lying, he asked her if she needed him to “lift his feet”. She quickly said “no sir you are fine” to which I replied “he is just being funny….first of all he is in a hospital bed that you can mop under anyway, and secondly he has no feet!” This one of my fondest memories of him, and the last conversation I had with him before he passed.

My point? Your attitude can determine your outlook and outcome. While we can’t change the situations that happen in our life, we can change how we THINK about them – for the good or bad. But guess what? If you THINK that a given situation made you angry (or sad, frustrated, depressed) then your FEELINGS AND ACTIONS will follow, mimicking your thoughts. A situation does not cause you to be angry, it is your thoughts about the situation that causes your reaction. So, as obscure as it sounds, if you want to improve your outcomes, change your thoughts. Simple enough? Well, not really. Adopting a new attitude and thinking differently about things is hard work – it requires awareness and a paradigm shift to a new way of being. But I am sure everyone can think of one person that they just don’t want to be around – that negative Nelly, that downer, that person who does nothing but complain, that “Droopy” character in real life. These people are life-suckers, are exhausting to be around and positive people tend to avoid them because that negativity can become contagious. Is that you? Then do something about it to change your approach to things and the result will be an enrichment of your relationships.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is the process of helping people to understand the relationship between thinking and emotion. It involves working with a therapist to sort through the negative thinking patterns that are dictating counterproductive actions and feelings. If you think you need that, consider that occupational therapists often use this in treatment when our assessment uncovers that someone presents with challenging thinking patterns, or we are finding that a difficult attitude is hindering progress in treatment.

Here are some great quotes about attitude that really drive these points home:

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.”
Albert Einstein

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”
Thomas Jefferson

“The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up.”
John C. Maxwell

So, work to change your attitude and that could change your life!

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Cheer Up the Lonely Day

Tomorrow, July 11th, is “cheer up the lonely day.” A day to contact those you’ve lost touch with, reach out to someone who is suffering, or give your time to help a complete stranger in need. Many seniors in the community, whether in their own homes or long-term care facilities, are often in need of company and companionship and many local programs help facilitate phone calls or visits for those in need. Big Brothers and Big Sisters associations help to pair disadvantaged children with a caring adult. It has long been known that volunteering is good for your mental health, but recent studies show that giving of yourself is actually beneficial to your physical health and could possibly add years to your life. Check out the following from CTV news and on this “cheer up the lonely day” think of volunteering, reaching out, or helping someone in need.

CTV News:  Volunteering Could Add Years To Your Life

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Stay Safe in the Sun

Welcome summer! Time for pool parties, beach days and enjoying the hot sunshine. Yet, while we enjoy the heat and sun, we need to remember that the sun is powerful and can be a danger to our health if our exposure is not managed properly. July is UV Safety Month and the following from The Canadian Cancer Society discusses ways to keep yourself safe in the sun.

Canadian Cancer Society:  Sun Protection

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Capturing the Moment or Missing it Altogether?

Julie Entwistle, MBA, BHSc (OT), BSc (Health / Gerontology)

I love the song “Scare Away the Dark” by Passenger. Some of the lyrics have powerful insinuations: “we should stare at the stars and not just at screens”…”we want something real not just hashtag and twitter”…”we are all slowly dying in front of computers”. I believe there is significant truth to what he is saying. The technology pendulum has swung so far in the direction of obsession and I am personally looking forward to it bouncing back to some form of neutral.

If addiction is defined as “the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice that is physically or psychologically habit forming to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma…or “usage of something that is beyond voluntary control” then I would argue that technology applies, and many people have a serious problem.

On a recent holiday the evidence of this was immense. On one occasion I saw three young women on a horse-drawn carriage ride (a $50 experience I might add) and they were all looking at their phones. Were they texting, tweeting, posting on FB “loving my horse drawn carriage ride”, or maybe playing candy crush, instagramming a photo, taking a selfie? Or the families sitting at dinner looking down, using their devices, essentially ignoring each other. Or the guy at the theme park videotaping his experience – he was even videotaping while a photographer was taking their family photo! I am not sure it matters what these people’s intentions were with their devices, but I felt that in perhaps trying to capture these moments they were missing them completely. Look around, talk to each other, take in the sights, sounds, smells, be mindful of the fragility of life and take a moment to be grateful for the experience. Connect. Engage. Smile at a person, not just a screen.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for capturing moments. But some moments need to be captured by our eyes and filed in our brain, not just on a device, memory card, or online. The concept of being present includes enjoying moments while you are in them – without living in the past or obsessing about the future. How can we do this? Enlightened Living suggests that being present involves recognizing that we can only do ONE thing at a time and thus we should engage wholeheartedly. Taking a photo while trying to absorb a moment are two tasks that cannot happen simultaneously. Thus why people feel that “life has passed them by”…they were never there to fully experience it in the first place.

So every once in a while check your addiction. Step away from your phone. Take technology away from your children. Leave it at home. Don’t take it on vacation. Set rules for technology behavior. In our house we have significant rules for screen use, including a 17 clause contract our daughter signed in getting her first cell phone at age 14. Rule # 1: The phone cannot be used to be mean to anyone – directly or indirectly. Rule # 2: Proper grammar and spelling must be used when communicating. Rule # 4 and 5: The phone is not allowed upstairs and cannot be used during family or meal times. Rule # 9: I will not use my phone to take photos or video of people without their permission. I will not post or share photos or video without consent of the people in them. Rule # 15: I will follow classroom and teacher rules for phone use when at school. Rule # 16: I understand this is not an appendage and obsessive use will not be tolerated. Rule # 17 is a list of reasons for repossession. My 14 and 12 year olds read the contract together. At the end my 12 year old said “so, what CAN she do”?

Do you feel sorry for my kid? Don’t. The real reason for the contract was not because she needs to be rigidly structured, but because I, as a new parent of a kid with a cell phone, was not comfortable with the entire concept in the first place. At 14 (and younger) kids are not developmentally able to understand and grasp the full impact of this new power in their possession. That is why there are recommended ages for Facebook (14), and age-specific laws for driving and drinking. They are young, naïve, immature, and still learning the ways of the world. I have a responsibility to be her guide, as effortful as that is. In the end, the contract worked to set out the expectations, establish boundaries, communicate about safety and proper use, and helped us recognize the need to adapt as a family to the transition of now raising teenagers, not just “kids”. But my true intent was to make sure that I don’t teach her, or worse, model for her, that technology trumps experiences, replaces in-person relationships, or is a valuable way to tick away the proverbial time bomb that is life.

So, try if you can to capture moments by being present, and by using your born faculties to photograph, store and file your memories – not just a device. Check in with yourself at times about your behaviors, track these, shock your system with some detox, set some boundaries and try to unplug.

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Compliment Your Mirror Day

Today, July 3rd, is “compliment your mirror day.”  We all seem to have a tendency to look in the mirror and focus on the negative; however, it is known that the power of positivity can help boost self-esteem.  The following article from Today’s Parent discusses the importance of building self-esteem in children from a young age and tips on how to boost their confidence so they can “compliment their mirror” every day.

Today’s Parent:  How To Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem

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Happy Canada Day!

A day when we don our red and white, proudly fly our maple leaf flags and celebrate the country we call home. Every year for Canada Day Maclean’s Magazine compiles a list of “99 reasons why it’s better to be Canadian.” From hockey to comedians, and beer to bacon, check out what makes the list and share with us, what is your favourite thing about Canada?

Macleans:  99 Reasons Why it’s Better to be Canadian