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Tackling Tough Transitions: Strategies to Find the Silver Linings

Julie Entwistle, MBA, BHSc (OT), BSc (Health / Gerontology)
Co-written with Lindsay Sinclair, Occupational Therapist

Throughout our lives we all experience transitions. Whether it is a new job, retirement, the loss of a relationship, change in function due to injury or illness, or a change in environment, transitions are inevitable.  Although transitions can be exciting, positive experiences, there is also a sense of anxiety and fear that is associated with the loss of the past and fear of the future. While feelings of nervousness and pessimism are common during life-change, there are strategies that can make transitions easier, helpings us recognize the silver linings in difficult situations, and transition into a brighter future.

The first important thing to realize about a transition, is that it is different than change. Change is something that happens to people in their lives, whereas a transition is the mental process that occurs as they go through that change. Put this way, change is somewhat out of our control, whereas we have the ability to control transitions through our thoughts and actions.

When it comes to controlling our thoughts about change, there are many strategies that can help turn negative rumination into positive hopes and dreams. First, it is important to accept change. When we play the “what if” game it is similar to trying to row a boat upstream (we won’t be going anywhere and it takes a lot of energy). If we can accept the change, and let the river take us where it is intending, we can enjoy the ride and get to our destination more smoothly. To accept change we can take comfort in the fact that there are elements of our lives that will stay the same, and at the end of the day, no matter what situation we are in, we are fundamentally the same person, regardless of the changes we will encounter.

One strategy to use to think more positively is to recognize when we are having negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. For example, “What could be good about this change?”, “What new opportunities has this change brought me?”, “What am I thankful for in my life?”, “How has this change been a learning and growing experience?” Although on the surface some changes may seem to be only negative, the truth is that every change does bring something positive to someone’s life.

Reflecting can be an activity that helps foster positive thoughts during a transition. Whether it is journaling, blogging, or just thinking during a long walk, it is important to process emotions and deal with change. During reflection, we can think about all the times in our life we have been through a change, note the strategies that helped us through change in the past, and remind ourselves that we have successfully been through change before.

trans2Another strategy that helps during a change is to engage in behaviours that will facilitate a positive transition. During change, take things one step at a time; set small attainable goals, and connect these to long term goals for the future. Goal setting allows us to take back control over a situation and work towards something meaningful, which can help alleviate the anxiety of change caused by lack of control.

To make transitions easier, engage in meaningful activity. When we isolate ourselves and become inactive, our physical and emotional health are affected, as we are left with too much time to ruminate. Participating in activities we enjoy can help make us feel more connected to who we truly are. For example, engaging in active exercise can boost positive feelings. Furthermore, by engaging in meaningful activities, we can connect with a new community, school, or group, which can help us integrate into a new environment.

Connecting with a social support system, or building a new social support system, is an important step in navigating transition. Finding a mentor who has been through a similar change, and seeking their advice on how they navigated change may be a helpful step to work through difficult times.

A useful quote for thinking about change is: “A ship is safe in a harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” This quote serves as a reminder that safety is not productive but is merely a resting point, and we had to get to the harbor in the first place.  So, if you are “in the harbor” get the rest you need before leaving port and venturing to another destination.

In the end, change is part of life and it helps people to grow and strengthen. Change is inevitable, and often times, uncontrollable, but transitions are not. We are in control of our own transition process, and we have the power to turn negative and suffocating experiences into a positive learning experience that enables our boat to sail onward.

If you are struggling with a change, or transition, and seem to be stuck in port, considering the services of an occupational therapist for helping you to become “unstuck” in a place that is likely not functional or productive for you.

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Is There A Need For Speed?

Hundreds of thousands of Canadians are involved in in motor vehicle accidents every year.  Many attribute accidents to weather conditions or distracted, impaired or dangerous driving, but what about speed?  Recently, BC has increased speed limits in an attempt to create safer highways, but many question whether this is a solution or a gateway to an even bigger problem?  Check out the following from Harris Law on this controversial decision and let us know:  Do you think increasing speed limits is a good idea?

Harris Law:  Could speed limits increase in Canada?

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The Gifts of Music

Studies show that playing a musical instrument, at any skill level, can benefit your health in many ways including:  lowered stress, increased concentration, heightened math and reading skills, and more.  However, access to musical instruments can be difficult based on cost and availability.

Learn how one man’s legacy is inspiring instrument lending libraries across Canada aimed at helping others gain access to this excellent and healthy hobby.

The Globe and Mail:  Instrument-lending programs spreading at libraries across Canada

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Top Tips to Achieve your Healthy Resolutions

It’s easy to think of resolutions each new year.  We all have vices, bad habits, and things we know we can improve upon or want to change about ourselves.  The hard part is achieving these goals, especially as we move further away from January 1st.

The majority of resolutions tend to focus upon creating a healthier diet, getting more exercise and other activities that lead to an overall healthier lifestyle.  The following from Eat Right Ontario provides some great tips that can help you to achieve these healthier lifestyle goals in 2016.

Eat Right Ontario:  Resolutions you can live by

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Tough Conversations

Julie Entwistle, MBA, BHSc (OT), BSc (Health / Gerontology)

My grandmother always used to say “once an adult, twice a child”.  She was referring to the fact that we start life dependent, and through the aging process, tend to end our life that way as well.  So, what happens when the grown-up “child” needs to become the caregiving adult in a relationship with an aging parent?  It leads to many tough conversations about some pretty big topics.  Recognizing that some conversations are not only difficult, but could cause relationship-changing outcomes, I wanted to give you some pointers for handling the big ticket items adult children might encounter with their aging parents:

Driving

We all have a societal obligation to ensure that the roads are safe.  Just like a parent not giving the keys to a teen that has not demonstrated adequate driving skills, adults need to look for this in their older parents too.  While some seniors self-retire their license when they feel they are unsafe, some are not as willing, or able, to make this decision.  I remember my grandmother stopped driving when one day behind the wheel she “woke up and the light was green”.  While we joked about this as a family, we applauded her for making a responsible decision.

Making sure your parents are able to drive safely is important for them, and the general public.  So how do you manage this?  Next time you are out with your parent drive separately and follow them, or get them to drive with you in the car.  Watch for the following:

  • Are they driving to slow or too fast?  Note that driving too slow can be just as dangerous as driving too fast.
  • Are they obeying the traffic signs?
  • Do they have the range of motion to look both ways and check blind spots?  Are they looking around at stop signs, when merging lanes?
  • How are they negotiating directions, are they getting lost frequently?
  • Do they seem to be driving aggressively, or do they seem oblivious to other drivers, cyclists or pedestrians?
  • Do they obey right of ways, manage one-way streets, can they park the car safely and easily in a lot or on a side-street?

If you have concerns about any of the above, you have a moral obligation to bring your concerns to their attention, or to the attention of their treating physician.  If you choose to have this discussion with them directly, be caring and compassionate, but direct.  Tell them about your concerns but instead of just telling them they shouldn’t drive, suggest the involvement of a professional like their doctor, an occupational therapist, or driving assessment.  If you are not comfortable having this conversation with them, bring your concerns to the attention of their treating physician so they can do their own assessment.

Home Modifications

Most seniors want to remain in their own home as long as possible.  Many recognize that some small changes to the home could have a big impact on their safety and function, and some are very hesitant to consider modifications.  I remember I once had a call from a physician who was calling about his own parents, expressing concerns about his mother and how she was managing at home.  We talked about the value of OT and he agreed that a home assessment would help her.  He then asked “so, what should I say to her to get her to agree to this”?  I found that surprising as even as a physician who is required to have difficult conversations with people all the time, he struggled to know how to approach his mom.  I suggested he tell her that he recognizes it was very important to her to stay at home as long as possible, and that he is concerned that if she falls, staying home might not be an option.  I told him to tell her that he wants to have an occupational therapist come and talk to her about her safety to make sure they are doing everything possible to keep her living at home for as long as she can.  He called his mom, and like a kid planning a sleepover, called back and said “it worked, she said yes”!

I think it is important for adults of aging parents to demystify the home modification process and stress to their parents that most changes are minor, removable, or will actually increase the value of their home, while keeping them there for as long as possible.

But honestly, the best approach is usually letting a professional explain to the aging parent what can be done, and what they should consider either now, or in the future, to ensure their home continues to work for them.  In that case, the difficult conversation is more getting the professional in the door, instead of trying to convince the parent of the changes that you feel (without full knowledge of the options) might be needed.  Occupational therapists are great at getting a sense of what people need, explaining the options, and coming up with a plan.  I always chuckle when I meet with seniors and the first thing they say is “I know my son says we need X, Y and Z, but just so you know we are not doing that”.

Relocation

There may come a time when being the primary caregiver of an aging parent who is trying to live at home, may become too much. Caregiving is a difficult task that often requires time, knowledge or a level of commitment that a working adult-child who might have children of their own, just does not have. Having a discussion with your parent about the need to relocate to get access to skilled or more available care, is difficult.  Like the other conversations, tell your parent that their safety is your primary concern and that you are willing to do all you can to help them get the care they need.  Remind them of your own capabilities and the other responsibilities that you are also trying to balance.  Framing your conversation this way will go a long way to show them you are being supportive, and not just trying to tell them what to do or how to do it.

In the end, yes these conversations will be difficult, but your parents need your love, support and guidance as they navigate the aging process.  I remember having a difficult conversation with my grandmother about her decision to use a walker instead of her wheelchair, when the wheelchair was much safer for her.  She was giving me a hard time and I reminded her that she taught us to care about each other so the fact that I care about her safety was actually her own fault.  She laughed and we had a great conversation about her fears about declining mobility and reducing independence.

I wish you the best as you navigate these difficult conversations with your parents.  But remember, sometimes involving a professional (like an OT) who can assess the situation, come up with solutions, and develop a plan may go a long way to maintaining the parent / adult-child relationship, while keeping the parent safe at the same time.

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Eating Well in 2016

We all know that eating well translates into better health, however, sometimes our busy lives get in the way and make it difficult to plan, prepare and cook healthy meals 7 days a week.  How can you achieve this despite your busy schedule?  Proper planning!  Knowing how to create the proper balance your body requires from your meals and planning ahead can help you to stay on track.  The following from the Dietitians of Canada provides great information and tips on how to eat well and make 2016 your healthiest year yet!

The Dietitians of Canada:  Planning Meals Using Eating Well with Canada’s Food Guide